


Eccedentesiast

by little_monster



Category: ATEEZ (Band), Monsta X (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_monster/pseuds/little_monster
Summary: Eccedentesiast - A person who hides their pain behind a smile.Y/n is broken. After a break-up with her ex, Jeong Yunho, she no longer socializes with her other friends or takes care of herself. Even after three months she still can't move on, but no matter what she always tries to keep a smile on her face infront of others.Between her pain and the stress of college life, she finds herself needing to vent. In a desperate attempt to forget her pain she starts self-harming, hoping it will help. Y/N's friend of three years, Kim Hongjoong, becomes more and more worried watching from afar and decides to step in things get more complicated. While he doesn't know the extent of her actions, he does see how thin she has gotten in the past months, and how little she eats in the cafeteria.After convincing Y/N to let him and the boys(Ateez) come over, she reconnects and starts to feel better. She feels as if everything in her life is moving forward, and her feelings of happiness are furthered when she unexpectedly reconnects with an old friend. For the first time she thinks, "Maybe everything is going to get better."
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Reader, Choi Jongho/Reader, Choi San/Reader, Im Changkyun | I.M/Reader, Jeong Yunho/Reader, Jung Wooyoung/Reader, Kang Yeosang/Reader, Kim Hongjoong/Reader, Lee Hoseok | Wonho/Reader, Lee Jooheon/Reader, Lee Minhyuk (Monsta X)/Reader, Park Seonghwa/Reader, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu & Reader, Song Mingi/Reader, Yoo Kihyun/Reader
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

You miss him. His infectious smile, warm hugs, cute little giggles, his sparkling eyes- everything. You missed everything about him. He was your happiness and your rock, then he just... left. It broke you.  
It had been three months since the break-up. In that time you had reverted to your old self, the person you were before you had met him- maybe even worse. After all, you had pored your everything into that relationship, but now it had vanished into nothing. Two years of your life wasted, leaving you empty.  
You hadn’t been eating or sleeping, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself anymore You hadn’t even talked to any of your friends since that day either, other than occasionally exchanging “Hi”s with Hongjoong in class.  
You knew he was worried, and you assumed everyone else was too, but you didn’t care. At this point, nothing mattered. These days the only things you found yourself doing were schoolwork, cleaning, and scrolling through different apps on your phone. It reminded you of when you moved from your hometown with your father, away from your close friends. You were in your junior year of high school back then, and moving away without being able to say goodbye tore you apart. Come to think of it, you did the same thing you were doing now back then to cope.  
Right now you were scrolling through your phone absentmindedly, but you weren’t paying attention to what was on your screen. Instead, you were thinking about a post you saw on Yunho’s Instagram a few weeks ago. It was a picture of him in the cafe where you two had your first date, but this time there was a different girl seated across from him. They were holding hands and smiling at each other. They looked happy. He looked happy. What broke your heart, even more, was the caption, “Date night 💜💜💜”. You hadn’t been able to think about anything else lately unless you were focusing on homework or some other form of busywork.  
You didn’t notice your tears until you couldn’t see a thing. You brought your hand up to your face and harshly wiped the tears away. Shutting your phone off, you got out of bed and hastily started getting ready. After all, it was 7 am and you had a class soon.  
In your mind, keeping yourself busy was the only way to numb the pain and detach yourself from your emotions. It helped when you had work or cleaning to do, but when you had free time you always felt the negative feelings seep into your mind.  
After doing your morning routine you grabbed your hoodie, bag, and keys then left your apartment. Once you arrived at your classroom you sat down in your usual seat, near the back on the right. No one sat behind you and you couldn't be happier about that. It made you feel safer, more in control. You took out your books, pencils, and your laptop and started going over your notes from the last session when someone entered the room, making you glance up. Hongjoong. He was your friend and had been since you had moved here for college. In fact, he was the one who introduced you and Yunho.  
He glanced over at you and flashed you his signature smile, you gave him a small smile back before focusing back onto your computer screen. After the lecture, you went back to your apartment, as always. You only had one class left today, which made you simultaneously happy and sad.  
By the time you got back to the apartment, it was about eleven fifteen. Upon arriving you smiled and decided that you would clean again today, after all, you didn’t have much homework. You took your shoes off and placed them neatly on your shoe rack, then dropped your bag off in your room, by your desk.  
You started in the living room, dusting, vacuuming then using a lint roller on the floor- a trick you learned from your friend Seonghwa- and vacuuming once more. Then you organized and re-organized the small amount of furniture and lose items you had in the living room before going on to the next room. You did this for the next two hours of your day until you were finished cleaning your entire apartment for the third time this week.  
You glanced at the clock- 1:24 pm. ‘Just enough time for a shower.’ You thought, grabbing a set of clothing, almost identical to what you were wearing now, and jumping into the shower. After about twenty minutes you decided to get out and get dressed. You pulled your wet hair into a ponytail, got dressed, then left for your afternoon class.


	2. Chapter 2

You walked quickly and when you arrived you made a b-line for your spot and sat down. Soon after this class, you had your scheduled “Supper Time” in the cafeteria, but you never really ate anything anymore. You simply used it as a time to get out of your dorm and work somewhere outside your dorm for a change.

Around two-thirty the teacher walked into the classroom and instructed your class that today was scheduled as a free sketch day; where you can do anything you want for the extent of the class. However, near the end, she would pick a few students to bring what they had been working on up to the front for critique, even if it wasn’t finished.

You smiled slightly. You never really got days like this, but when you did, it was a treat. You started, almost instantly, pulling up your Pinterest boards. You found a reference that you had been eyeing for a while now and you started to sketch it out onto some of your higher-grade watercolor paper. 

Your lines danced fluidly across the paper, slowly chiseling away a figure. It was a girl; she was floating and her left hand outstretched towards the sky. Hands reached up the bottom of the piece and were clawing away at her legs, dragging her deeper into an unseen darkness. 

Her eyes were covered with flowers and you could see a tinge of dark red liquid underneath the flowers. Vines wrapped around her arms and legs with thorns digging into her skin like talons. Then you drew cracks. Small cracks, like what you would see on broken glass. Afterward, you added pieces of the girl breaking away from her body to make it look as though she was made of glass.

Once you were happy with the sketch you grabbed your brushes and a pallet for your watercolors. Mixing a pains-grey you covered the painting with a light wash near the middle and darkened it as it grew closer to the outside of the painting. Then you took the pains-grey, added a small amount of dark blue and brown, and covered the bottom in a dark wash. After the first layers had dried you colored the hands in with a dark blue-black color. Later, you colored the girl with warm red tones. You kept your painting loose everywhere except the girl. The girl was the main focus so you painted her with extreme detail and care to add interest to your piece.

After about two and a half hours the teacher started calling people up to present their pieces. You paid attention to your classmates as they presented their art in front of the class. Soon after the fourth person had gone the bell sounded and your class was dismissed. You quickly picked up your supplies and went to drop them off at your dorm before heading to the cafeteria.

Upon arrival, you bought a tray of food and sat down at a grey circular table near the corner. All you did for a good thirty minutes was push around the food on your plate and listen to the conversations going on around you. 

You weren’t aware before, but at some point, you became aware of a lingering gaze fixated on you. You simply ignored the onlooker, opting to write your paper instead of searching for the culprit. You grabbed your notebook along with your computer and started typing away, still feeling the pair of eyes burn into your back. 

Before long you were almost done revising your essay and you had forgotten about the unsettling feeling of being watched. You only had to revise two more paragraphs. You leaned back in your chair and stretched, smiling slightly. After sitting in your chair for a few minutes you realize just how warm the cafeteria is. An uncomfortable heat was creeping up your spine so you decided to shrug off your hoodie and then resume working.

After getting a third of the way through a paragraph you, again, felt someone look at you, but this time it felt different. Almost  _ heavier _ . You glanced up quickly and saw Hongjoong looking at you with worried eyes. He was fairly far away and talking to- Yunho. Your heart sunk. You looked back to your notebook and resumed writing, choking down your feelings, and forcing a smile onto your face.

Soon you had finally finished your English essay. You put your laptop and notebook away and looked at your plate of food. You pushed it around a little bit before deciding that it did not look appetizing. You got up and threw it away. Then you walked back to your spot to grab your bag when you heard your name being called.

“Y/N!” You turned to see Hongjoong happily waving at you, no Yunho insight. You let out a small sigh of relief and forced a big smile onto your face.

“Hi Joong,” you said in a fake happy tone while looking into his eyes. Even though he was smiling, his eyes showed concern and worry. They weren’t sparkling like usual. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been really good, thanks! How ‘bout you?” He questions.

“I’ve been great!” You lie. “So… it’s been a while, huh?” You state crossing your arms and trying to distract him from your lie. Hongjoong had always been good at knowing whether or not you were telling the truth. To your delight, he didn’t seem to think too much of it because he simply replied with a smile.

“Yeah. We should hang out sometime soon!” He says. “The guys wanna see you too!” He adds. A small voice dances in the back of your mind, telling you that they don’t care, that he’s just saying that. _ ‘They’ll leave you too,’ _ It taunts.

“We can hang out anytime!” You smile. Even though you didn’t necessarily think it was a good idea to hang out with them again, you missed them and they were still your friends… right? They wouldn’t leave you too, right? You shook your head slightly and focused back on Hongjoong.

“Really?” He says, his eyes lighting up. You nod. “Does tonight work?” He asks. You think; Your schedule is pretty open, and it’s Friday so you don’t have any classes tomorrow.

“Yeah, that sounds good!” You agree. He bounces up and down a bit before hugging you shortly.

“Cool! We’ll come over around seven then!” He says, waving as he walks away. You stand there for a bit, then turn to wrap your jacket around your waist. As you pick up your bag you, again, feel the same two pairs of worried eyes on you.

‘I knew he wouldn’t buy the happy act.’ You sigh and walk out of the cafeteria.


	3. Chapter 3

***DISCLAIMER* This chapter has brief mentions of self-harm and suicide. If you are uncomfortable with this kind of content I do not recommend reading this chapter.**

***** Once you arrive at your dorm you go straight to the bathroom to fill up the sink with the coldest water you could.   
You admit you have unusual ways of harming yourself or ‘coping’. You talk to yourself a lot, you write suicide notes to yourself, or people you care about for them to discover once you’ve died, etc.. This was just another odd way of 'coping', in a way that won’t leave any apparent scars. Cutting was too noticeable, and you didn’t have the guts to take your own life, so you settled with this.

Stupid- you know, but it seems to numb the pain. At least for a little bit.

You waited until the cold water filled the sink and then you plunged your head into it. The cold water stung your skin and gave you an unpleasant tingling sensation, but that’s what you were anticipating. You kept your head under the water until you felt like tiny needles were stabbing your lungs and you felt light-headed. You slowly brought your head out of the water and took a few deep breaths before plunging your head under the water again. After doing this a few more times your mind was no longer on your emotional distress, but rather the physical pain you were experiencing. Later you decided you had done enough for the day you dried your face off and drained the water from the sink, erasing any evidence of what you had done. *****

Soon you found yourself sitting on the couch and scrolling through Pinterest for about an hour before you hear a knock on the door. A smile grew on your face as you jumped up and practically sprinted to the door, opening it and then stepping aside to allow your friends through.

Yeosang was first to enter, holding a box of chicken. ‘Typical.’ You think, shaking your head slightly. Seonghwa follows closely behind and greets you with a friendly smile while watching Yeosang. Probably to make sure he doesn't try to eat any of the chicken before he should. You smile fondly at everyone as they enter and walk towards your living room. Everyone was there except for Wooyoung and Jongho- and obviously Yunho.

"Wah, it's so clean here!" Seongwha exclaims. "Y'all should take some notes!" You laugh as the others whine.

"But our dorms are already clean enough!" Hongjoong says with a huff.

"Pffft" Seongwha scoffs. "Have you seen your room?" He asks, half-serious.

"My room isn't even that messy." He remarks, crossing his arms. “Oh Y/N, Woo, and Jongho couldn’t make it. They had a project to work on.” He adds, trying to change the subject quickly.

“That’s fine, I’m just happy to be able to catch up with you guys! And we can always get together another time too!” You cheerfully suggest. 

You talk with the guys and laugh for a while, catching up and feeling better than you have in a long time. You sigh in content as you listen to the conversation going on.

"Y/N," Your head snaps to your right upon hearing your name. "Do you want some chicken? It's gonna get cold." Seongwha states, handing you a paper plate with a chicken leg on it.

"Oh! I completely forgot about the food." You chuckle, trying to make up an explanation for yourself. "I was just enjoying your company. We need to get together more often." Everyone nods, agreeing, and looking at you expectantly. "Does anyone want anything to drink?" You ask, setting the plate down on the table in front of you and getting up.

"I'll have water please and thank you." San says with a small smile. You looked around but no one else said anything, however, you did see some disappointment in their gazes. You nodded and walked to the kitchen.

"She.... skinny....." You hear muffled voices.

"...I.........help......." Your heart sinks. Hongjoong must have noticed your eating habits, or lack thereof, and told them. You sigh quietly, grabbing two glasses, and filling them with water.

"....eat....wish.....help.." You walk back into the room making sure they’ll hear your footsteps approaching. 

"Here's your water San." You say with a smile, handing him the glass. ‘I should eat a little bit for them. They'll worry if I don't.’ You decide, sitting back down on the floor you reach for the chicken leg and take a small bite. When you look up they are all staring at you happily.

"What? Why are you all looking at me?" You question.

"Nothing!" Yeosang says with a big smile.

"Okay... Whatever you say" You say. "So, how have you guys been? Has anything interesting happened in the past few months that I should know about?” They all looked at each other but said nothing until Yeosang decided to speak up.

“Nothing much. I’ve just been studying for finals and hanging out with these dorks.” He announces.

“I got a job!” Mingi exclaims, practically overflowing with excitement. “Well, I just applied and went to the interview, I’m still waiting to hear back but I’m pretty sure I nailed it.”

“That’s cool! Whereat?” You ask enthusiastically.

“The cafe near here! And I’ll get discounts there!” He says excitedly. While clapping his hands together and bouncing up and down in his spot. You smiled at his excitement and took another small bite of chicken, washing it down with some water afterward.

By the time the boys had agreed it was time to go home, it was around 2 in the morning and you had eaten two chicken legs. As you waved to the boys they bid you good night and went back to their dorms. 

You sent them off happily and decided to try and get some sleep; after all the worst thing that could happen was another late night -and early morning- of scrolling through your phone. You walked lazily to your bed and plopped down onto it, grabbing your phone and opening Instagram.

You followed many different idols and fansites so there was always a lot in your feed to scroll through. You smiled upon seeing a post from Mingi: a selfie of him, Joong and Yeo, and another picture of just him. It said:

‘ _Today was the best I’ve had in a while! We need to hang out more often @Y/N @JoongBerry @EommaToothless @Ye- See more_

View all 21 comments

Loud_Boi: And to think I’m not included 😤🥺 I’m truly hurt you guys!

ApplesFearMe: I wish I could’ve made it 😢

You giggled at their childish-ness and decided to read the rest of the comments. They were all quite normal as the boys just agreed with Mingi and talked about all the places we could go to hang out. And of course, it wouldn’t be complete without Woo being dramatic. You were about to click off when Yunho’s username. Intrigued, you read the comment:

GoldenRetriever: Glad you guys had fun! Maybe next time you guys hang out I’ll tag along!

Your heart ached a little thinking about hanging out with him again. You shake your head.

“It’s fine I’ll just decline their offer to hang out when he goes.” You breathed. ‘ _ **You won’t be able to avoid him forever.**_ ’ A venomous voice in the back of your mind stated. “I-I know but I just-” You breathed out, “I just need more time.” ‘ _ **Oh please, we all know that’s a lie. You’re never going to get over him... You're too pathetic.**_ ' You sigh.

‘Maybe I should start looking for someone too? I mean there’s no harm in trying.’ You think with a sigh. 

“I need some fresh air.”

With that, you shut your phone off, shoved it into your back pocket. Grabbing your jacket you decide to go on a walk to clear your thoughts a bit. The cool night air brushed against your skin as you opened the door and departed from the comfort of your home. 


	4. Chapter 4

You weren’t sure how long you had been walking but, honestly, you didn’t care. You were too lost in thought to care. You wandered around, walking wherever your feet lead you. Slowly, you started to drift back to reality. You weren’t sure why, but you didn’t give it much thought. 

Once you had slightly come to your senses you noticed a pain shooting up your leg. You decided to ignore it and continue walking, focusing on your surroundings.

Despite having lived here for three and a half years you still weren’t farmillair with most of the town. What can you say- you didn’t get out much. You only really went out with the boys when they suggested it, or when you needed more food. You simply had no reason to go anywhere else.

It was dark and empty. You saw no signs of people, other than the occasional car, which scared you every time. 

“I should have brought a jacket or something,” You mumble quietly. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you shiver, now very aware of the cold night air biting at your exposed skin.

You tried to focus on your breathing and the sound of your footsteps. Suddenly a late night- or early morning- walk seemed like a terrible idea. Deciding to try and find your way back home, you whirled around and started wandering back in the direction you had come from.

After a while of taking turns and not recognizing anything, you had decided to take a break from walking. Spotting a small swing set by a small square sandbox, you hopped over to take a seat. Pulling out your phone you went to google maps and tried to figure out where you were.

“Damn it! Why is so hard to find a simple address? Fucking stupid ass phone!” You grumbled in annoyance as your screen kept showing the ‘connection issues’ screen. You start to tear up. “Ahh, why am I so pathetic?” You ask yourself as you look at the ground.

“Y/N?” You hear a male voice question quietly. Your head shoots up and you look at the male skeptically. You hastily wipe your tears and fix your appearance as much as you can. As you look at the male you tilt your head, trying to figure out why he seems so familiar.

“Kihyun?” You question.

“Ah, it is you! For a second there I thought I just embarrassed myself in front of a stranger,” He chuckles raising his hand to rub the back of his neck nervously.

“What are you doing here?” You question, still confused.

“What no hug? Not even a hello?” He teases, leaning forward.

“Yeah, yeah. Hi. Hello. Good to see you. How’ve you been? And all that,” You say rapidly, waving your hand. “Now what are you doing here?”

“Wow, nice to see you too,” he says sarcastically. “And for your information, I live and work near here.”

“Oooo~ are you a photographer like you wanted?” You question excitedly.

“Yep!” He states proudly. 

“Good for you!” You smile. “How is everyone else by the way?” You ask leaning forward in the swing.

“They’re all doing well! Minhyuk works in his mom’s cafe, Hyungwon works in his family’s flower shop, Hyunwoo is an engineer, Hoseok works at a gym, and the other two are still in college, like you! If you're in college, that is,” He says. “They’re all, for the most part, close to here too. I think Hyunwoo is the furthest.”

“Ahh, jinja? I’ll have to meet up with everyone some time! And yes, I am in college,” You chuckle slightly. “I’ll have to ma-wait! What are you doing out so early in the morning?” Your question in a motherly tone.

“You’re out too! And you should be glad that I found you!” He defends. 

“I- well-” You pause. “Okay fine you win, but seriously why are you here?”

“You really haven’t changed at all,” He laughs, shaking his head. “I couldn’t sleep. Why are you here?”

“Long story,” You say, looking down.

“Well I don’t have work and it’s Saturday so you shouldn’t have a class. We’ve got all day,” He says holding a hand out to you. You grab it with a smile and stand up. “Where do you wanna go?”

“We could go to my dorm or we could go to wherever you live if it’s closer,” You suggest.

“You sure you’d be comfortable coming over to my house? I mean you haven’t seen me since, what was it, like your junior year?” He asks.

“It’s fine Ki. I know you well enough to know that you won’t do anything. Besides, it’ll give us time to catch up!” You say.

“My apartment is only a few blocks away. I’ll take you back to your place whenever you want to go back, okay?” He says, leading you down more unfamiliar streets. After walking a few blocks he speaks up. “So what happened?” You cock your head to the side.

“What do you mean?” You ask.

“Well for one, you said that it was a long story when I asked you why you were sitting on a swing screaming at your phone at three in the morning and two, you look terrible!” He laughs as you punch his arm.

“Is it really that bad?” You ask reaching up to touch beneath your eyes.

“Yep," He states bluntly. "You're skinny, like, WAY too skinny. Which means you’ve stopped eating and you only did that when you were REALLY broken up about something.” He states in an as-a-matter-of-fact-ly voice. “Not to mention your eye bags, messy hair, you look like you haven’t slept well in DAYS, your puffy eye-”

“Okay okay, I get it!” You stop him, annoyed at how well he knows you despite not having seen you in four years.

“Sooo, what happened?” You sigh and then take a deep breath in.

"It's just-" you cut yourself off.

"It's okay, you can tell me. Just like we used to." He reminisces. A sudden pang if guilt fills your chest.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye.” You blurt out. “That day I mean.” He stayed silent and kept his gaze on the ground. “I- I really didn’t have much of a choice, y’ know? I got home and everything was in a moving truck-” 

“Your stuff was in a moving truck? But the news said your house burned down?” He interrupts.

“I know.” You breathed trying your best not to cry. ‘ _ **Weak**_.’ Kihyun looked back up at you. “I-it did burn b-but n-ot on acid-dent.”

“What do you mean?” He asked inquisitively, prompting you to continue.

“I wa-sn’t t-told be-eforeha-and th-that we we-were go-oing to m-move.” You choked out. “Wh-when I got h-h-home my- my d-da- told m-me not t-to-” You had both stopped walking at this point.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me right now if you can’t, firefly. Let's wait until we get home,” He reassures, pulling you into a hug and softly patting your head while you cry. “Have you told anyone about this?” He asks in a hushed voice.

“No,” You manage to sob out. He doesn’t ask any other questions, he just holds you until you're able to calm down. Even though you hadn't seen him in four years, it felt as though he had been with you this whole time. You had always had a special connection with Kihyun, even when you were younger. 

“Do you want to rest for a bit before walking more?” He asks worriedly.

“No, I’m okay.” You smile weakly.

“You sure?” He asks, releasing you from his embrace, but keeping his arm wrapped around your shoulder. You nod as he starts to slowly starts leading you back in the direction of his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay!! So, I started posting this to Instagram, but my sister told me that I should also post it to AO3, which is why I posted these four chapters back to back.   
> From now on I will post a chapter, hopefully, once every 5-7 days, however, I'm not completely sure what the schedule will look like come school time... My only study hall is in the morning and, while that's not necessarily the best from a 'getting homework done' standpoint, it is fairly convenient to have some free time where I can take a break from school and work on this!   
> That being said, I only have the study hall for 1 semester (I'm not quite sure which one yet) so updates will, most likely, be delayed. From the way my schedule is set up, I think that this year will be very stressful and hectic for me but, hopefully, I will still be able to update fairly regularly.  
> All that being said, thank you for reading and have a great rest of your day!!


	5. Chapter 5

Soon you reached what looked like a classy motel-like apartment building. It had two stories and railings along the sides of the walkways. The building itself was grey with white accents and large windows.

“Is this where you live?” You look over at Kihyun as he hums in response, nodding his head. “These apartments look more expensive than my tuition!” He laughs. “What can I say, my family is financially... comfortable. Now let’s head in,” he says, grabbing a keychain from his jacket pocket and grasping a silver key. 

You stay quiet and follow him into the, rather large, apartment. It was very clean and modern, but it still managed to feel comfortable and homey. He leads you over to the living room and tells you to sit down on the couch while he leaves to grab some blankets. When he returns he spreads a blanket over you and then sits down in the chair, adjacent from where you were seated.

“So, ” he starts. “are you ready to tell me what happened?” you tense up. “I mean, why were you sitting on a swingset at three in the morning with no jacket.” You let out a small sigh, relieved that he wasn’t asking you to explain what happened with your father all those years ago. However, there was still a part of you that did not want to burden him with your situation. Thinking of saying it out loud made it seem so childish.

“It’s-” You cut yourself off. “It’s stupid.” He scoffs softly.

“Y/N look at me,” he says. Slowly, you lift your eyes to his. “Your feelings are not stupid and you are not weak for confiding in me, if anything it shows how strong you are. I know it’s hard, but please, trust me again.” You don’t know why but your eyes filled with tears at his words. Maybe it was because those were the words you had needed to hear, but no one had ever said them.

“I never stopped trusting you, Ki.” After that, you spent the whole night spilling your guts to your old friend, even though it was against your ‘better judgment’. No matter how many times your mind told you not to burden your old friend, you ignored it.

You told him how Hongjoong had approached you, just like Minhyuk and Felix did in middle school. How he invited you into his friend group and introduced you to Yunho. How you two hit it off and started dating. How you were so happy, but apparently he wasn’t. How you had been together for almost two years, but he suddenly changed his mind. How the night before your anniversary he broke up with you. 

You told him how it was probably your fault because you probably brought down his mood too much, or how your emotional baggage was just too much for him. How You just annoyed him with all of your insecurities, or maybe it was how you had a hard time opening up to him, or anyone for that matter. He was just tired of you. Maybe everyone was.

But through all of it, no matter what you said or did, Kihyun listened and comforted you. Before you knew it you were crying, yet again. Kihyun pulled you into another hug and let you cry while he rubbed circles on your back. You were just so sick and tired of crying, but you couldn’t help it. And the next thing you knew it was dark. 

  
⧫⧫⧫

  
You woke up to Kihyun gently stroking your hair, like he used to do to wake you up.

“Come on sleepyhead, breakfast is ready,” he says smiling a little. You smiled back, pushing the blanket off of your legs and sitting up on the- bed?

“Didn’t I fall asleep on the couch?” you ask groggily.

“I moved you in here.” He shrugged.

“Where did you sleep?” you ask.

“The couch,” he replied nonchalantly.

“But-” he cuts you off.

“What’s done is done, now come eat before the food gets cold,” he says walking to the dining room. You sigh and follow.

“Wah, it smells so good!” You exclaim, sitting down across from Kihyun.

“I’m glad you think so.” He smiles. “Eat as much as you want.” You cut your pancakes, but hesitate when you lift it to your lips. “What?” he asks worriedly. “Is something wrong with the food?”

“No, it’s just. I haven’t eaten a lot in a while and I don’t know how my body will react to it.” You explain.

“Just eat as much as you feel comfortable with.” He says with a warm smile. “Just try to eat something for every meal, okay?”

“Okay.” You nod, taking a small bite of your pancakes.

After you two had finished eating, Kihyun did the dishes while you tried to convince him to let you help. That didn’t get you far though, seeing as his ‘mom mode’ (as you liked to call it) kicked in. Eventually, you gave up and went to the couch. You decide to scroll through Instagram while you wait so you take out your phone. The first thing you see is 4 missed calls from ‘Joongie’ along with many other messages and notifications from the group chat. You sigh and open Hongjoong’s contact.


End file.
